PERCEPTIONS AS DISABLED

 by Kurt W. Franke

I carry my right arm in a black hemi-plegic sling. The attention this elicits from strangers is astounding. The majority of people act as though they have never seen a person with an arm in a sling! It took me a long time to understand the way people view me. While at the deli , the restaurant or walking down the street the expressions in the public’s eyes are that of curiosity, sorrow, pity, strange contempt, distrust, and distasteful interest. For many years I was never aware of how my right arm influenced the perceptions of society and hence the reasons why I’m treated so differently than others around me.

The most frightening of revelations was when I noticed that people were not listening when I spoke: literally. They watched me speak in a strangely detached manner as though I were an actor on stage. I saw that people weren’t mindful to me, as they would be to a "regular" person. What I found to be brutally true also, is they didn’t believe what I was stating to them: literally. For example, I’ll tell people about myself including details of what I’ve accomplished. Most people do not believe me! They think a disabled person hasn’t the ability to do anything.

I have painful memories of spending great energy attempting to convince people to simply believe me. That sounds strange but it is disturbingly true. "Regular" people could never dream of what happens to a disabled person in everyday life. I’m talking about basic respect and dignity, which are continually robbed from every disabled person on this unfair earth.

I thought I could quickly straighten out any misunderstandings. No. It wasn’t me that caused these misunderstandings: It was the black sling I wear. How people first perceive you is very difficult to change without great effort. Some people’s judgments will change, others will not.

No doubt the greatest obstacle from society that physically disabled individuals face is the association of mental disability with physical disability. Most of the "guests" on this earth immediately assume one has psychological problems because one is physically disabled. This astounding ignorance and bias from able-bodied "guests" is relentless and demands a Herculean effort to combat. I’ll forever be replenishing my deep inner life energies to reconcile this enormous divide between common society and I ……….the disabled.

For thirty-two years as a functioning disabled person I’ve been confronting people’s ghastly ill-bred perceptions of me. Every day I leave the house I’m careful not to let common interactions with people escalate out of control whereupon very ugly and awkward social situations are quickly created. It’s so easy to get lost, hurt and alienated in a world that views you as a stranger.

How you envision yourself is so very much different than how people conceive your appearance. You can believe anything you like about yourself only to finally see it has no bearing on the way others in the "typical" world view you.

This leaves us in a terrible quandary. Am I supposed to stubbornly demand proper treatment that only I myself understand? Should I anticipate respect from those who view me as a pathetic disabled person? Where is my place in society to maintain my dignity and self-respect without being intellectually undermined by the condescending patronizing attitudes that are so prevalent?

Apparently the perception that disabled people are less than the rest of society is so large in scope it seems hopeless to even dream of changing these attitudes. At least in the short time that’s left for us on this earth, to spend time attempting to erase this behavior is time wasted. Life is too short. So, it’s here to stay. Yes, you can attempt to change it but time is traveling so quickly there isn’t room for the anger and the fight. I wish this weren’t true.

When a disabled individual begins understanding the way he or she is viewed, anger and resentment are created. Being angry induces offensive efforts without rewards that steal precious life energy from deep within your spirit. I want to live. If living means accepting what the majority believes of me, than so be it. That is not to say I’m not attempting, within bounds, to change the way disabled people are viewed. No. I’ll never give that part of myself up. For me, it’s all too natural to oppose these prejudices. I will always be ready and willing to stand strong and speak with unyielding honesty about the mistreatment and outright discrimination of the disabled. Society’s witless behavior submerges the disabled in a terrible choice between surrendering one’s dignity or facing a vicious social fight.

Perhaps you can confront one or two or twenty instances of uncomfortable feelings from those around you. Maybe you’ll have the energy to do this for many years. But one day the energy will be gone. It’ll have been used and may never return. When this occurs, I’m afraid we all succumb to the distorted perceptions that so many people have of the disabled. This is very frightening for those experiencing this for the first time. A feeling of desperation and great fear encompass your spirit. Even in these times, with all the education and resources that are available to assist those who are in trouble, it is not enough.

Sometimes you find yourself acting the role others have thrust upon you. It is their thoughts, decisions and judgments about YOU that have usurped your true personality and character. When discovered, this creates profound indignation and mistrust in the disabled souls who must live with this day by day.

Why shouldn’t I be angry with a stranger telling me what I am and what I’m not? Should I be upset at a person who knows nothing about my life stating what I’m capable of doing or not capable of doing? Why shouldn’t I be angry? I’m sure the stranger who is preaching his utterly ignorant, self-gratifying sermon would be just as offended if I were telling him what he is and isn’t because of the way he looks.